A Sweet Kiplingesque Just-so Story about the Invention of the Sit-Down Chair, Jesus, and Da Vinci

Reproduced from the Althouse elsewhere where the backstory may be found.

See, this is all wrong.

“Humans also aren't meant to stand all day. Pretty much it's walking.”

I’ve been chewing on this since the last standing-desk entry (see the elsewhere and do a search - too complicated to reproduce  here).  It’s been bugging me.  Mainly because I’m jealous and I want a standing desk.

But also – biologically.

People do not really spend most of their time standing, sitting, or walking – it’s sleeping.

A theoretical selection advantage to sleeping upright or sleeping at a standing desk or sleeping in a sitting position in your Baroclounger – might ensue if you are members of a tribe of Somali hunter-gatherer feminists thousands of years ago who are guarding against men-on-the-hunt (excuse me, lions) because sleeping in an upright position might give you a flight-escape advantage against the predators in the bush.  It’s not the palpable bitches that you must fear at night – it’s the silent bitch-predators who strike before you know you’ve been stricken.  It's the nighttime bush that grabs you before you know you’ve been grabbed - beware.

Selection advantage goes to those who sleep upright.

The trick then is to sleep upright and then lounge all day long.

This is why I know for sure that Mel Gibson was wrong and that the Jesus in Mel Gibson’s, The Passion, is the false messiah, because that Jesus invents a chair for his mother, Mary, a sit-down chair.  The true messiah would invent a supine vertical table for lounging all day long.  Sort of like they already had in that culture.  Jesus messed it up – ipse dixit  – that Jesus is not the messiah.

Unless, of course, Jesus was just testing his Bayesian subjective (like a few blog members in the Althouse elsewhere asked awhile back) and Jesus was using a sit-down chair as a Bayesian trail run and as a test of his messiahship on his unwitting disciples.

The real Jesus at the end must now tell the truth to his now-sitting-down disciples at the Da Vinci last supper, “guys, guys, guys, why so serious? – I was only guessing   – that I was the messiah, using my best Bayesian subjective, now quit sitting there in those worthless sit-down chairs that I invented, and just hunker back down boys, in a fully supine position, and relax!  .... because at our next dinner, we will cover Malthus and the Book of Revelation, and you will really need to be all the way down and flat out supine for that whopper.”

Moral of this Kinglinqeusqe “just-so” story about how the false messiah invented sit-down chairs (aka - “How Sitting Chairs Destroyed Salvation”) is that the true position for humans is the upright position while asleep at night to guard against “palpable bitches” (see Althouse - this is a jest, the blog is awesome) who have gone into nighttime stealth mode, and then, the ideal position during the day is fully supine.